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So I have changed pulmos and my lung function has decrease at this point. Struggling to quit smoking and stay quit. No one calls me, no one invites me out anymore. No one seems to care that I really need them and WANT them in my life. As my lung function decreases, so does my group of friends. No one wants to be friends with a chick that is going to possibly die in a year or two.

Seems as though I try so hard to stay positive and do right, no one seems to care. Not many seem to offer help or even a kind word. No matter. I will be strong and positive for myself and my children like I always have been. There are too many what if's? And, to many other questions going through my head this year.

I want to write personal letters to each of the friends and family members I have. I know I can't write EVERYONE. But, those that I have been closest too. What do I say? Tell them good things I assume. How they helped shape my life, how I valued their friendship. Been looking for stationary to do this. It has to be beautiful, meaningful, and hopefully lined! I cannot write in a straight line for anything!

I have made my will, my 5 Wishes, and my adult daughters are going to raise their little sister when I am gone, if I am gone before she is old enough. Some things need to finalize. Others can wait, or I trust that my kids will do the right thing. I don't want cremated. But, how can I leave a heavier burden on my family with the cost of a burial?

Things get heavy. Thoughts, feeling, and at this point I am planning for the worst case scenario... But of course, keeping my head up and a smile on my face. 

Thanks you for reading! It really means so much to me! 

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