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Am I Unworthy Of Love Because I Have COPD?


So, I am not worthy of being in a relationship? Or being loved because I have COPD???  


After, reading Falling in love with COPD you will understand this post better.

So, my Ex and I reconnected back in May... We CLICKED just a few weeks before he had to go home to be with his mother who has cancer. While he was here, my then 5 year old fell for him just as hard as I did nearly 13 years ago. She really wants him to be her Dad. She has never had one. She was born to be "Daddy's Little Princess". I have always tried to explain that not every child gets a dad. That I was both.But that is not what she craves. Since he left in July, we have talked EVERY DAY. We call, text and IM, everyday. 

Until just a few months ago. Things took a nosedive*. But, I kept my composure for a few days. 

*The follow up post to Falling in love with COPD

Then, I lost it. 


And it was UGLY.

You know the kind of breathless crying that has you feeling like you will never breathe again? Sloppy tears and a running nose. LOUD sobbing. The kind of upset that you don;t want your kids to hear or see? 

So I had my oldest daughter come and pick up my little girl. Sipping wine and crying alone was not a good idea. And in that situation, Facebook is not your best friend. But, after seeing my upset post, one of my oldest friends offered to pick me up so I could talk and cry.

We ate cookies, and I drank lots of wine. We talked, she questioned me. Then she got mad. Like, at me. She said he would NEVER want me, that he would never move back. That he was just lying to me. Which just upset me more. 

Forgetting the situation he was in with his ill mother, she knew... She is how I met him. She decided that I was just stupid to want him. Stupid to believe him. But the worst part?

"Aren't you sick?"


Why are you trying to be in a relationship when I have COPD? I mean, you are going to die.

Excuse me?!?! People with a chronic illness need love too! 

WE ARE ALL DYING


We are loving, deserving, beautiful creatures that have so much to give. We CARE about others, we give what we can when we can. ONLY having to make adjustments for medication time, avoid getting sick and conserve energy where ever we can.

We love kissing, cuddling, being held and holding the one we love. 

We love falling asleep next to the person that holds our hearts and waking up to them every morning.  

We love holding hands while walking at the store or sitting on the couch. 

We love the silly little things couples do to make eachother laugh. 

We love telling them they are loved and hearing that we are loved.

We love wanting them and being wanted by them. 

We love making them feel loved and feeling loved by them.

We love sharing our lives with someone special. 

We love growing with the one we love, supporting each other. 

We love that this person is our best friend AND lover. 

We love making love! 

Because we are HUMANS and that is what we do best... WE LOVE!

We can do EVERYTHING a healthy person can do in a relationship. 


So, never EVER let someone so bitter tell you that you are not worthy of being in a relationship if that is what you want to do!

You are worth every breath you take! 


Cut people that speak like this out of your life. They are a plague that cannot be tolerated, when every moment of your time is so precious. Your time is much better spent with people that LOVE and SUPPORT you. People who want you to be happy and will help you do just that... BE HAPPY! 

This friend is someone I am not comfortable cutting completely out of my life. We have nearly 30 years of memories together. Her spreading honey on her words before speaking them didn't change the meaning of what she said. Be careful of that. Someone can cuss you out with the sweetest most loving tone of voice, but the meaning of the words never changes. 

I won't be talking to her on that level ever again. Not about anything current or personal. She has joined the realm of Facebook friends that I do not know in person. Just someone on there that may like my status, and I might like hers, but we can't be "real life" friends anymore. 

The fakeness was more than enough for me to call it quits. 





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